#TeamGulch

Greetings. Yes, it's been a while. I've been dealing with settling after the move and with ongoing health issues. Also, ahem, I'm 51K into a book as well. At least I haven't been idle while I've been gone. Here's a post I've had sitting around mostly-done for months. Even though Wicked: For Good was released a while ago, I've decided to finish it. Not only am I sick of storing the notes, it's all still true and still worth saying. I hope it's worth reading, too.

Love the light blue. It totally works, Almira!

Now, months later, we know that Wicked: For Good (WFG) ultimately grossed $540 million globally during it's theatrical run beginning in November 2025. Streaming earnings are somewhere around $100 million. Looks like a lot of us are receptive to Oz revisionism. Like many movie-goers, immediately before heading out to see WFG, I rewatched the 1939 MGM musical The Wizard of Oz (WoO), easily the version more influential in the memories of today's audience. In doing so, I discovered my own bit of revised history, a truth buried in a story I thought I knew by heart. It's right there. Right in front of us.

The Gales are crappy neighbors.

Seriously. Let's unpack this.

• The message, more a meta one from screenwriters Noel Langley, Florence Ryerson, et al. than anything intrinsic to the plot, is the presumption that Miss Gulch is grumpy and evil in large part because she's unmarried. They hit that "Miss" pretty hard. Gentle Reader, may I say with all sincerity, from the bottom of my spinster heart, fuck that sexist shit.

• Also, Miss Gulch isn't evil in the first place. Evidence?

  • Toto is a repeat offender.

  • The Sheriff agrees with her.

  • She is not a vigilante. She did not shoot, poison, swiftly kick or in any other way secretly dispatch the little menace. She, as a responsible citizen, called in law enforcement.

  • Hunk, easily the smartest person on the Gales' farm, points out that a solution to the problem is simply to avoid going by Miss Gulch's property. This reasonable suggestion is shrugged off without any discussion or justification by Dorothy, apparently determined to maintain her Crappy Neighbor status.

• Neither is Miss Gulch particularly grumpy. Yes, she's fed up with herself, and her cat, being attacked on her own property by an off-leash, untrained, out-of-control dog. However...

• When interacting with the Gales, she is calm and verbally restrained. She keeps her statements pertinent to the matter at hand even while the Gales are subjecting her to random insults and snark. She does not yell or toss insults herself. She simply presents the Order, a legal action the irresponsible Gales should have seen coming long ago.

Miss Gulch's concerns are far from frivolous. Dog bites and attacks are serious crimes. Let's look at some contemporary numbers. According to the Centers for Disease Control, approximately 76,233 people are injured every year in falls caused by dogs. Injuries included fractures requiring hospitalization as well as contusions and abrasions.

According to FOIA data obtained by Dogsbite.org as well as from Statistia Research and the Centers for Disease Control, approximately 4.6 million people in the United States are bitten by dogs every year. 800,000 of those bites require medical attention. 1,000 people are treated in Emergency Rooms every day for dog bites. Numbers internationally are much worse, especially in poorer nations.

These are recent numbers. I have no idea how the numbers stacked up in 1939, but I doubt the proportions were much different. 1938 was the year the U.S. started keeping track of canine rabies transmitted to humans, so something concerning was going on with free-roaming pets.

In fact, the only gripe I have with Almira, other than wanting to give her a makeover, is her habit of letting her cat run outdoors. Not only is this, we now know, disastrous for local wildlife, it also puts that cat at risk for everything from worms and ear mites to rabies or outright predation from dogs like Toto, as well as hawks, owls, etc.

But wait! We know she's evil! She's rich! Rich people are always bad!

Snob much? For a nation still roiling from the Depression and the Dust Bowl, making someone with enough money to live on a villain likely seems second nature. However, here also Miss Gulch is unjustly maligned. The envy of those less fortunate (or, less wise, less disciplined, less industrious?) does not justify Gulch's villain status. And, for someone who "owns half the county" she's certainly not putting on airs. For example:

• She doesn't parade around in a fancy carriage or a brand new Packard. Instead, she's on a modest, frugal bicycle.

• Does she also employ "half the county." That would certainly leave them in better straits than much of the nation at that point.

• She has agreed to serve the notice against the Gales herself. Maybe the Sheriff's Office is understaffed. Maybe it's because both she and the Gales live far out of town. For whatever reason, she did not demand that the Sheriff send out an officer to get the unpleasant job done.

But, everybody knows single women are selfish and isolated and disconnected from the community! They probably shouldn't even be able to vote since they don't care about anybody else!

Sorry to get your knickers in a twist, J.D. , but chances are quite high that you have throughout your life regularly benefitted from the hard work and generosity over the centuries of single, childless women. (Note: as of this writing, while he has admitted in his latest book that the "childless cat lady" snark was "one of the dumbest things I've ever said," J. D. Vance still has not manned up and actually apologized.)

Not only is Miss Gulch likely employing a good number of her neighbors, she is probably one of the many single, childless women who helped build the nation's first libraries, schools and charities. Going back to the 1600s in the U.S., single or widowed women established and ran "dame schools" for poor children and orphans. After the Civil War, single women established the first schools for children with disabilities as well as the first "normal schools" for training teachers. Around 1900, single women increasingly served as Executive Administrators of schools, women's shelters, schools for factory workers, etc. Single women have historically been disproportionately active in improvements to urban infrastructure and law enforcement, addressing both the needs of communities and the rights of prisoners.

Here are just a few more things single, childless women have done in American history:

• Created and funded the first scholarship for low-income students at Harvard College in 1643.

• Created and funded 75% of the public libraries operating in the U.S. prior to 1900, including the creation of 4,655 travelling libraries serving rural areas.

• Provided massive founding endowments nationwide for the creation of medical schools.

• Created and funded the nation's first shelters for homeless and working class families, including the African Female Benevolent Society in Rhode Island and Hull House in Chicago.

• Helen Keller in 1915 co-founded the American Foundation for Overseas Blind to assist veterans blinded in combat.

• In 1870, Sophia Smith left the entirety of her personal wealth to create Smith College.

• The vigorous advocacy on behalf of the poor and mentally ill by Dorothea Dix, a lifelong childless spinster, is the stuff of legend. Or, should be.

So, yes, perhaps Almira's on that bike because she's found more important things to do with her cash. The WoO tells us so little about Almira Gulch other than to promote a handful of childish stereotypes that were tired and baseless even when the movie was first released. Her crimes? She doesn't like violent, untrained, out-of-control dogs, no matter how cute they are. She has money; the Gales don't. Worst of all, she's not as pretty as the dog's irresponsible, clueless owner. Watch any cartoon from the era. Cute always wins.

Sorry, movie / culture. I'm no longer a seven-year-old watching a Thanksgiving special on TV. I'm not buying it any more. I, like Almira, am childless and single. (I'll leave it to other people to worry about my cuteness level. Opinions vary and I've learned to not care.) I also used to ride a bike everywhere for over a decade back when I was paying off student loans. I am a survivor of several dog attacks, one which nearly got me killed when I was forced into traffic. Yes, this one's personal. I can now proudly declare: #TeamGulch.

Finally!

Meanwhile, back at WFG, did you spot it? I nearly cheered in the theater. At last, after 86 years, Dorothy has finally put that damn dog on a leash! I suspect this was done in part to protect the real-life animal actor. (Terry, the dog who played Toto, suffered a broken leg during the production of WoO when she was trampled by a rogue Winkie guard.) Nevertheless, I carry the hope this was also done to set a good example for any dog owners in the audience. It was so wonderful to see. And, we must cherish our victories, however small.