This is risky, but I’m going for it. I know I said in my introductory post I wasn’t going to talk about political issues in this blog. I’m letting rip with this one, however, because I’m pretty sure it will upset Conservatives and Liberals equally. (Pissing off ideologues is my superpower.)
This past week, the Democrats found a video of a 2021 interview given by now-GOP vice presidential candidate JD Vance. Talking with Tucker Carlson about Kamala Harris, he called her one of the “childless cat ladies [who] want to make the rest of the country miserable too.” He continued, “The entire future of the Democrats is controlled by people without children.” More recently, Vance told journalist Megyn Kelly, “Obviously, it was a sarcastic comment. I’ve got nothing against cats.” Heh.
Meanwhile, childless female cat-owning Democrats are owning the epithet in much the same way Trump supporters embraced Hillary Clinton’s 2016 “deplorables” quip. The “childless cat lady” merch is being printed even as I type.
Disclaimer: in the following paragraphs I will be speaking in broad terms about the nature of men and women, with full knowledge that individuals vary greatly, that the only actions that are truly sex-specific are (as a 1970s bumper sticker phrased it) being a sperm doner or a wet nurse, and that I am not saying these attitudes are not potentially shared by all people etc. etc. for crying out loud, do I really have to say this? They’re called “generalities” for a reason. And, besides, I’m talking here about the philosophically masculine and feminine at least as much as the personal. Whatever. Here goes.
Originally coined by Men’s Movement activist Shepherd Bliss in the 1980s, Bliss used the phrase “toxic masculinity” (TM) to describe how men were raised to bury their emotions, to casually engage in high-risk behaviors, to swagger around being real dicks, etc. Later, the phrase was taken up by feminists as a quick way to refer to male violence and arrogance. Men commit 80% of violent crimes. The number of men in prison in the U.S. hovers around 1.25 million. Women prisoners number around 80,000. Whether it’s nature, nurture or both, there is something disproportionately hostile about masculinity, at least as it currently manifests.
There is a phrase that sums up the attitude carried by men whose masculinity has gone rancid -- “Might makes right.” The winner takes it all. The only power that matters is primitive and brutal. If you're so weak that you can be robbed, raped, invaded, conquered, then you deserved it. And anyone who complains about being a “victim” is just a butthurt little wimp. In TM, all relationships happen on a battlefield.
So, what does this have to do with cats?
I think JD Vance was highlighting the comparable phenomenon of Toxic Femininity (TF). If TM is based on the belief that “might makes right,” that power equals virtue, then TF is based on the belief that power is always corrupt and weakness the most honorable. If TM plays well with the most cutthroat and exploitative forms of Capitalism, TF waltzes with Communism. “From each according to his ability to each according to his needs.” Because, after all, those with the greatest need are, to TF, the most virtuous. Anyone who has enough, who is self-supporting or successful is suspect and must be condemned.
This mindset explains in part why some women are attracted to incarcerated violent criminals. If a man has done something so horrible that the rest of society imprisons and shuns him, he has been rendered the most powerless. Poor thing. He must be cared for.
Of course TF would be anti-child, even as it encourages a worldwide symbiotic ritual of nurturing and institutionalized helplessness. Kids grow, learn, talk back and become able to take care of themselves. Kids move from a place of powerless virtue to one of corrupt ability. Cats, conveniently, are helpless forever.
As it usually does, wisdom lies somewhere between the two extremes. Of course we want to honor and reward achievement. Of course we want people to be successful and self-supporting. Of course we want to care for those who cannot support themselves. Of course we want to protect and nurture the most vulnerable. Vital Masculinity honors the potential of the weak and encourages, perhaps even coaches, those who hope to make achievements of their own. Vital Femininity honors ability and potential as well as needs. Vital Femininity knows there will come a day when the precious baby is all grown up.
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